There are many
signs of a cheating husband or wife, and most of them are the same for women and men. Here are some ways to tell if your spouse if having an affair. Note that many of these could also be a sign of something else.
Loss of interest in you
* They lose interest in sexual intercourse. You stop having sex, or have sex less often.
* Their sexual behavior or interest changes, e.g. they want to try new positions or ask new questions.
* Sex does not feel intimate anymore. They might actually be feeling guilty about cheating on their lover when they have sex with you.
* Sex does not last as long. They may become tired more easily. Men might ejaculate more quickly, or have trouble getting or keeping an erection. Women might fake an orgasm to get it over with. (This could also be a sign of frequent masturbation, which is not unusual.)
* They act distant. Your intimacy level goes down.
* They won't touch, kiss or hold you as much.
* They don't say "I love you" as often.
* They tell you you are unattractive.
* They sleep on the couch instead of with you. It becomes more like they are your roommate instead of your spouse.
Suspicious statements and reactions
* They accidentally call you another name.
* They say something about a person hitting on them, but say they turned them down.
* They cannot look you in the eyes, or somehow seem to act or behavior in a guilty manner.
* They are quicker to argue or rage. They have mood and attitude swings.
* If you ask them whether they are having an affair, they are surprisingly aggressive about the question.
Special interest in appearance and personal grooming
* They buy new clothes.
* They wear new clothes, sexy outfits, or their favorite underwear.
* They use cologne/perfume.
* They make themselves look beautiful just to go somewhere casual.
* They spend more time looking in the mirror, or doing their hair and make-up.
* They start trimming their pubic hair.
Unexplained time away
* They keep making excuses to go out and when they do they are gone longer than normal, e.g. a trip to the store for some milk takes an hour.
* They suddenly have to go somewhere, e.g. the store, gym, gas station. That may be a sign that they are meeting him or her.
* They frequently call to tell you they will be home late, e.g. they are helping out a friend, their truck broke down.
* They develop new interests that do not involve the family.
* They disappear at unexplained or unusual times.
* They are strangely inaccessible or unreachable at times.
* They tell you they will be home late, or need to spend more time at work.
* They claim to be doing overtime at work, but their checks get no larger.
* They take long lunches or dinner meetings.
* If you ask if you can meet them outside their work, they prefer you do not. (A lot of affairs start at the office.)
Unusual telephone behavior
* Someone from the opposite sex calls that you never heard of. Perhaps they say it is a business call.
* They hang up the phone when you come close.
* They have a lot of short phone calls.
* They never let anyone else answer the phone.
* There are unexplained phone numbers on the cell phone statement or phone bill.
* They have the phone bill go paperless and only they can access the online statements.
* There are unusual incoming, missed, or outgoing calls on their phone. There are numbers or names you don't recognize.
* They do not answer the phone when you call.
* They turn off their cell phone when they are out with friends.
Changes in behavior or lifestyle
* Eating new foods.
* There are unusual changes in their routines or habits.
* They want to be with their "guy friends" or "girl friends" more often. For example, a cheating man might say "Oh yeah, the guys and I are going to go watch the football game. Why don't you go out with your girlfriends or something?" If you want to go with them they make excuses.
* They go a few days without showering at home but seem to have showered.
Signs from the car
* They are using more gas.
* The mileage in their car is too high. Check the mileage for them to and from work. Is there a lot of unexplained mileage?
* They want you to wait while they clean out their car before you get in it.
* There are two empty cups or containers for food for more than one person in their car.
* The music stations in their car have changed.
Money
* Money is unaccounted for (this could also be drugs).
* You find receipts for items you've never seen.
* There are unexplained charges on credit card bills.
Here is some more input and advice from people who have been cheated on:
* If you know that they cheated on people they were with before you, the chances are much higher that they will cheat on you.
* Unfortunately, the "signs" aren't that obvious nor are they that reliable. If he/she is doing it "right", you won't be able to tell unless you catch him/her in the act. In general, if you're the type of person that tries to keep life interesting for your spouse, you'll minimize the potential, but you can't eliminate the possibility no matter what you do. Some people tend to cheat no matter what their home life is like. Were they cheating on someone else when they met you? If so, it's probably an established behavior pattern. If your spouse is the type of person who can be trusted in other areas of life you might have a good reason to trust him in marriage. After all, marriage is about trust and commitment.
* Note that if your spouse isn't cheating and you're constantly being suspicious and questioning everything, you might just drive him/her into being unfaithful.
* If you believe they're different now, then take the time and think of a plan to investigate them on your own.
* If you have a gut instinct that they are cheating, 9 out of 10 times you are right. That feeling is there for a reason and if I were you I would check it out. Be careful though, you don't want it to be your own insecurity and be wrong. That will screw things up because then he will know that you don't trust him.
* The heart knows. Don't let your mind talk you out of it. There are a lot of signs of cheating.
* Be patient. Don't let them know you suspect them. Plan what to do if they really are cheating on you or lying to you. Be prepared to leave them. No matter how ugly, fat, worthless, or horrible lover you think you are in your mind you will always feel that way if you stay there and don't listen to your gut instincts and the hard evidence. Self esteem is how well you trust yourself. If you know something is going on, and deny it is happening you aren't trusting yourself and your self-esteem will be low. Remember somebody will love you no matter what you look like. There is always someone out there who thinks you are a 10.
* A spouse often cheats with someone close to both of you, e.g. a neighbor, friend, or even a family member of yours. Are they especially close to someone of the opposite sex?
